Monday, July 14, 2014

On a more personal note

I never had the feeling that I didn’t belong and I am so grateful for that. I always had awesome friends and my family was and still is the best I could have hoped for but I was always careful with the definition of a “best friend”. 

I always had one person I felt closer to than to all the others during school and both after elementary school and after high school those friendships ended. The one after elementary school just ended because we went to different classes in high school and were just not that interested in staying friends but the one after high school really crushed me. We also were in elementary school together, spent afternoons playing, went to the same youth group and on holiday together. After graduating from high school at the age of 18 we both went different directions and after about a year of regularly seeing each other, she just decided one day that I did something terrible to her and stopped talking to me. Almost 10 years later, I still have no idea why we fell out and what I should have done wrong but when we see each other – which is at least once a year – we do not talk at all. Does it still make me sad? No! I mentally ended this whole situation some years ago. This is just the way it is now and that’s okay. 

Why am I telling you all this do you ask? Well……getting in contact with people is something that came quite easy for me, which is great at university and at work but after being, let’s call it disappointed by two –what I had thought were –  best friends, I became more careful opening up completely to people or adding a label like friend-good friend-best friend to certain friendships.
I have a huge group of friends but I tend to divide them into acquaintances (people I like talking to but whom I will never really open up to), friends (people I like a lot and whom I open up to quite a bit) and I have four good friends (these four know a lot about me, are the ones I know I can trust and who I care for with all my heart). 

Angie is a girl I was in school with but rarely talked to. After graduating we became good friends and spent a lot of time together with our group of friends. We got to the point where we could finish each other’s sentences. When she got married to a good friend of mine in 2010 she asked me to be her maid of honor. She got her baby girl in 2012 and after that we had a bit of a though time keeping in contact. I was hurt by some things that did happen but over time we remembered how much fun we always had, we can still gossip like nobody else and finish each other’s sentences and I am sure that over the next months things will approve daily.

Berni and I were in school together and are friends since we were 13 years old and whoever said being friends with boys is impossible – no, it’s not! Yes, I was in love with him for some time during school and I still like him a lot but there’s nothing between us except a dear and deep friendship. I know I can trust him and tell him everything and with his rational way of thinking he is a great counterpart to my emotional reactions. 

I also can add another guy to my list of four good friends but we have a history together. He was my boyfriend when I was 17 and we are still in contact. He is one of my best friend’s and I know I can always count on him. Last year when I wasn’t feeling too well, he was always asking about my health and he is the one guy who is motivates me to keep going whenever I rant about university, work or life in general. 

The last person I have on my list of besties is Kat. Yes, you guys know her! She is co-blogging with April at My Shelf Confessions and we finally met in May this year and just clicked (even more than before). We both had some busy six months and I get the feeling that we didn’t talk as much as I would have liked. I would love for us to live near each other so that we could regularly share a huge bowl of popcorn and some wine while watching a movie or chat. Now we have to rely on Twitter, What’sApp and Skype to talk to each other and there are evenings when I miss her dearly. I never thought that I would meet someone on the internet that I would click with so perfectly but I am so glad that I know her and can call her my internet-BFF. I hope we’ll soon find more time to talk but I know that she’s always there for me and I hope that she knows that she can always count on me.

Wow, this got a little more sappy than I intended but from time to time you need to let the people in your life know how much you love and need them in your life, right?

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